From jailed dads comes a Father’s Day message

The endless barrage of questions from children sometimes can be answered with a bit of science knowledge and a creative mind. The exception to that rule is when a child asks why his father is in jail.

Neither Frederick Ward nor Calvin Miller has figured out how to respond to that question.

But Ward and Miller, who are incarcerated at the Albemarle-Charlottesville Regional Jail, have found a way to show their children that they miss them and love them. The men are part of the REAL (Responsible, Empowering, Available and Loving) Dads Program group, whose members recorded special video messages for their children and grandchildren to watch on Father’s Day.

The REAL Dads Program is part of a Children, Youth and Family Services program called Family Connections. REAL Dads is a two-pronged effort to encourage fathers to take responsibility for their children.

Eddie Harris, a local parent educator, started REAL Dads in 2007 as a neighborhood outreach program and expanded it with an inmate group in August.

About seven inmates take part in the group, which meets for an hour and a half once a week at the jail. Harris said he often comes with topics for discussion, but sometimes inmates have a more pressing issue and want to vent.

“I look at it as a support group,” Harris said. “We teach each other. They give one another feedback.”

Miller, 29, joined the group from the start. Miller, who has a 5-year-old and a 1 1/2-year-old, said he used to focus on his relationships with their mothers. After getting advice from his peers in the group, he now is focused on his children.

“The program makes us a better father figure,” Miller said. “We not only talk about how to be better parent, but about our decisions in life and becoming productive citizens in society.”

Many of the inmates in the group have trust issues with themselves and others, Harris said. The group has both inmates who had both parents in their lives growing up and those who never had relationships with one parent.

The idea to videotape the inmates for Father’s Day developed from a conversation that Harris had with his supervisor, Hilary Nagel, the program manager for Family Connections.

After securing a grant from a local church and borrowing equipment from Crutchfield, Nagel set up the camera for each inmate in the REAL Dads group to send a message to his children.

“They really talked a lot about their love for their children,” Nagel said. “There really was a sense that Dad is working hard to get his life together and he wanted them to know how special they are to him.”

The inmates also got to write a note to their children and include two books per child. The packages were mailed out earlier this month. Harris said he plans to videotape messages for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day next year.

Ward recorded his DVD for two of his grandchildren. Ward, 43, has been trying to reclaim his role as a father and grandfather with the help of the REAL Dads group.

Ward left his son when the child was about 3 years old.

“At the time, I was out in the world and involved in drugs and alcohol,” Ward said. “I was doing things that didn’t seem safe around a child. I felt the best thing was to get away from them.”

Ward didn’t return until his son was 17. At first, Ward said his son didn’t want to accept him at first, but the two have been working on their relationship for the last eight years. Ward also has been trying to form a relationship with his 29-year-old stepdaughter and his five grandchildren.

Ward has kept himself busy by joining programs in the jail, earning a GED and becoming an ordained minister. He said he is going to be released this year and is looking forward to what’s next.

“I hope when I get out of this place, I don’t have to be out of my grandchildren’s lives or son’s life again,” Ward said. “I hope that we can just be a family … just be a family.”