The delicate art of neutrality

Sitting on separate couches inside Westminster Presbyterian Church, a pretend couple feuding over the custody of their two children kept talking over one another. After a few moments, a mediator stepped in.

“‘Jill’ and ‘Ted,’ I hear a lot of acrimony and trust issues that have been breached,” Patrice Kyger said. She lowered her voice. “Maybe we could calm down a little bit.”

However, “Ted” didn’t agree, and he and his former girlfriend started bickering again. Fellow mediator Jim Kennan broke into the conversation, suggesting that the couple refocus on the future of their make-believe children.

Kennan and Kyger were trying their hand at mediating family issues during a training session this week. The four attendees are hoping to use their new skills at the Community Mediation Center of Charlottesville, which is facing an increasing demand for volunteer mediators.

Cyndy Martin, the nonprofit’s executive director, said the center’s caseload is increasing.

“A couple of other mediation centers are no longer doing mediation,” Martin said. “Our business has gotten bigger.”

The agency was founded in 1984 as a part of the FOCUS Women’s Resource Center, but it split off into its own agency in 2004. Mediation fees, grants and donations now fund the center, which has about 30 volunteer mediators.

More than half of the center’s referrals are from the local court system, but Martin said that doesn’t mean mediation is a last resort.

“We think of it as a first resort,” Martin said. “It’s a really good way to start things off and gives people a chance to work it out in a friendly way.”

In general district courts, cases that require mediation include landlord-tenant disputes and workplace issues. Most of the organization’s family cases come out of local juvenile and domestic relations courts, where authorities can order or recommend that parents have a mediated discussion about custody and visitation. Circuit courts tend to deal with divorce issues.

Mediator volunteers sometimes attend court in the event parties in civil cases want mediation. They also handle cases at the center’s Sachem Place headquarters. Sessions are offered on a sliding scale.

Martin said the agency’s mediators act as neutral facilitators to help each person say what they need. After a mediation session or two, both parties can walk away with a written agreement on how to handle issues with one another.

In order to become a mediator, volunteers are required to attend classes and go through a mentoring program before receiving their certification. At the center, Martin said her volunteer mediators have backgrounds in everything from nursing to business.

However, becoming a volunteer mediator can be expensive. Volunteers have to pay up to $2,000 for their training and other fees. Martin said she hopes that a recent $8,000 grant from the Charlottesville Area Com-munity Foundation will help train more volunteers who can’t afford the cost of training.

Kennan, Kyger and their two classmates all have basic mediation certification from the Virginia Supreme Court, which allows them to mediate cases in general district courts.

After completing training and a mentoring period, they will be eligible for certification to mediate family situations in juvenile courts.

Kyger is the center’s services coordinator. She said she has been interested in expanding her mediation skills to help handle cases at the center.

Mediation isn’t much of a stretch for Kennan, who said he has used similar techniques during his 45 years in the work force. Now 71, the Albemarle County resident said he is looking forward to doing more of it for the center.

“It’s a good way to apply what I know in life and a good way to solve problems,” Kennan said. “It’s just facilitating people to compromise and agree.”

For more information about the services offered at the Community Mediation Center of Charlottesville, visit http://www.mediationcville.org.