Dads of special-needs kids can get a hand

Fathers will get their turn at the upcoming Live and Learn Parent Conference and Resource Fair.

Actually, there are many sessions at the conference for both mothers and fathers, as well as teachers and other education professionals, such as occupational and physical therapists. It is for anyone who works with or has a special-needs child.

Some of the sessions include “Social Skills,” “Educational Assessments,” “Yoga for the Special-Needs Child,” “Assistive Technology,” “Medicaid Waivers,” “Teaming for Effective Advocacy” and “Family Dynamics,” among others.

The conference is from 8:30 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. Saturday at the PREP/Parent Resource Center and Ivy Creek School Building on Lambs Lane. It is sponsored by the Piedmont Regional Education Program/Parent Resource Center and Albemarle County Public Schools Special Education Advisory Committee (SEAC). Greene, Fluvanna, and Charlottesville City SEACs are also involved.

One of the new sessions this year is “Fathering a Special-Needs Child.” Stephen Goadhouse whose son has Down syndrome and whose daughter is a recovering autistic, is on the panel of fathers addressing the issues that are particularly experienced by fathers.

Goadhouse said they will start with the 15 minute film called “Fathering Voices,” to open things up and hear other fathers talk about their special issues. Audience members will have a chance to speak about their own experiences, ask questions of the panel or simply listen.

He said the panel will talk about generic issues, such as what it’s like to be a parent, but also more specific things they’ve experienced, such as “re-calibrating your expectations for your child.”

“My son has Down syndrome, and we found out the second day — early on,” Goadhouse said. “I dealt with the loss and then [focused on] what will he be. You realize your child is still going to be an amazing person — just different than what you expected.”

Other special-needs children may not be diagnosed until later — such as autism, which may be two years later. Parents who have a special-needs child also have different experiences in public. He said with Down syndrome, people can recognize there’s a difference, but with some special-needs children, it may be “something people can’t see.”

“We want to get to a point so you can ignore what other people might think,” Goadhouse said. “So you can be in a societal situation.”

While this issue doesn’t affect Goadhouse, he has heard others talk about it — as a father feeling like the medical provider is talking to the mother and leaving the father on the sideline. His wife is a homemaker and takes their children to many of the appointments, but when he does go, he feels included.

Fathers of special-needs kids also can feel isolated, Goadhouse said. He and his wife have lost touch with some friends who did not have special-needs kids. He said he will never know if this was a natural loss of touch or because of the differences in their children.

“Women more than men do a good job creating a community,” Goadhouse said.

“I’m not as good — I have to force myself to do it. I did it at the beginning because it seemed like a good idea, but I’m definitely learning how important it is. It is not second nature for a lot of us.”

Goadhouse said he and the other fathers on the panel are part of a Dads Night Out group that meets once a month (fourth Wednesday at 7:15 p.m.) at a local restaurant. He takes care of the e-mail list and sends out reminders. The group actually started after the mothers’ group formed.

The conference is free. There will be refreshments and door prizes, and the Resource Fair will host more than 30 community agencies.

For more information about the conference, or to register call 975-9400, Ext. 2342.

Going bald on purpose

Seeing those who are bald because of cancer and the effects of chemotherapy brings a pang of sadness and sympathy. You feel helpless because there’s nothing you can do. These feelings are even stronger when it’s a child who’s bald.

But there is something you can do to help. Go to Boylan Heights on the Corner on Thursday to shave your head in return for financial pledges from friends and family. The head shavings take place from 6 to 9 p.m.

The money is being raised for the St. Baldrick’s Foundation. This foundation has raised more than $51 million for childhood cancer research since it began seven years ago.

It’s accomplished this fundraising with 73,000 people being shaved at 1,700 head-shavings. The Charlottesville event has raised more than $150,000 in the past three years.

The local event will have a raffle, live music and drink specials, and organizers expect to shave at least 50 heads and see 200 spectators and volunteers. The goal is to raise $60,000, organizer Danielle LaRock said.

For more information about the Charlottesville event, e-mail her at or call (202) 438-5287.

For more information about St. Baldrick’s, call (888) 899-BALD or visit http://www.StBaldricks.org.