Web great for do-it-yourself destruction

It’s most likely a simple problem, easy enough for a backyard mechanic to fix, providing he has a modicum of intellect and some common tools. At least that’s how the Internet made it sound.

The Internet is the font of all knowledge. I followed the advice of one Web site this spring and my front yard erupted in a wondrous and lush green. I followed another’s advice this summer and the yard developed stunningly brown patches of recently killed grass.

Now I’m seeking a little do-it-yourself help to repair the engine on my lawnmower.

Tough on mowers

I’m tough on lawnmowers. I push them hard and put them away warm. I trim boatloads of ivy each May, knock down weeds and tall grass every August and mulch large piles of leaves every November.

Sure, I clean the air filter and replace spark plugs every few years and change the oil almost every winter. I put stabilizer in the gas sometimes and always expect the engine crank at the end of its rope after a long winter’s rest.

So, when the engine started emitting big puffs of black soot and stalling out after mowing the front yard, I immediately turned to the Internet.

Check the spark plug, it said. If the plug is wet with gas, clean it and reinstall it.

I did. I yanked the string and the engine coughed to life for about 15 second before the spark plug flew like a bullet from the front of the mower into the shin-high grass where it became lost until such time as the mower’s whirling blades shall find it next spring.

Note to self: Double check that the plug has been properly tightened.

After a quick trip to Advance Auto, and a quick check of the plug, the mower roared to life and malfunctioned.

Check, said the Internet, the carburetor.

You would think that it would be difficult to check on something you cannot spell, but there on the screen was a drawing that showed the exact location along with explicit directions on tearing it apart.

Most likely, the needle in the float bowl is clogged, it said, noting that it is an easy fix.

Right.

I drained the gas tank, an act that requires lifting the entire lawnmower into the air and holding it upside down over a plastic bucket to catch the gasoline, which primarily pours onto the lawn. I took off the air filter, unhooked what should have been the fuel line and stared at something round, deep-dished and aqua-colored.

Fire it up!

It kind of looked like a bowl, but I could see nary a pin, much less a needle. So I sprayed carb cleaner in it, put it all together, added some gas to the tank and fired that mother up!

With a roar it rose to life. In a series of pathetic putts it fell back to death.

I took it apart. I stared at it. I put more carb cleaner in the bowl thingy and tried it again.

It lived. It sputtered. It died.

And so I went back to the Internet, re-entered my search for lawnmower repairs and followed the directions absolutely to the letter.

That’s why I’m here at Bruffy’s Radiator Shop and Small Engine Repair on Avon Street.

Just call me when it’s ready.