Speaking up called good way to prevent child sexual abuse

If something seems wrong, say something about it: Child sexual abuse experts, victims and perpetrators say adults can help thwart abuse by approaching anyone they believe may have an unhealthy relationship with a child.

“Sometimes it’s just a gut feeling and nothing other than that, but if something doesn’t seem right, it may be that something is wrong,” said Trent Wagler, of the Collins Institute, a sexual assault resource agency in Harrisonburg. “You don’t know if you don’t approach the situation.”

Wagler and a panel of experts discussed child sexual abuse at a Tuesday seminar sponsored by the Charlottesville-based Sexual Assault Resource Agency. The panel included a man who was abused as a teenager and a woman abused as a child as well as a man convicted of child sexual assault.

All agreed that paying attention to how adults and kids interact, and being willing to question an adult’s relationship with a child, could prevent more abuse.

“If you notice something isn’t right, talk to the adult,” Wagler said. “Stick to what you know and say ‘I noticed that you when that child walks in the room you talk about body parts.’ Tell them you think they may their relationship with a child may be unhealthy and ask them about it.”

Experts told the audience at Mount Zion First African Baptist Church that 90 percent of those who sexually assault children are people the children know. Half of those are people who live in the child’s household and one third of the assaults are committed by other kids under 18.

Men or adolescent boys commit nearly 90 percent of child sexual abuse, the experts said.

“Sex offenders are very, very good at gaining access to children,” said panel member Joseph G. Lynch, a licensed clinical social worker in Harrisonburg. “The odds are overwhelming that you already know the person who would molest your child. They are already a part of your life, your social group, your family. They have already gained your trust.”

Lynch said it is wise not to hire adolescent boys to baby-sit children, due to increasing incidents of child sexual abuse by that demographic.

“It’s too unsafe to take the risk,” he said.

One panelist named Mike said pedophiles are good at getting close to children and are often authority figures. A former teacher and Big Brother, he served six years for sexually assaulting a boy whom he mentored. Mike said abusers often “groom” victims, gaining trust of the child and the parents. He said his sexual attraction to children began when he was about 13.

“Abusers are masters of manipulation and become close to a child and family before the abuse occurs,” he said. “It’s a matter of getting your esteem needs met through children. When I tried to stop my behavior, I just kept finding more excuses.”

Mike, who like the two victims on the panel declined to give to a last name to maintain some anonymity, told the audience that questioning someone’s relationship with a child is one way to stop it.

“Ask why an adult or adolescent wants to spent time with your child. If you’re not comfortable with the situation, act,” Mike said. “Confrontation is important. If someone you confront is not an abuser, you’ve lost nothing. If he is an abuser, he will likely not abuse your child.”

Mike said that, although the abuser may target another child somewhere else, the confrontation will still be worth it.

“You may not have stopped the abuser, but you’ve prevented the creation of one more victim,” he said.