Taking steps to eliminate sexual assault in society

Do you throw litter of your car windows? Let a friend drive when you’re sure he or she has had too much to drink? Of course not. Neither do I.

Why don’t we do these things? Is it because we are perfect people, who always do the right thing? No. Conscience and empathy for others are part of it, but social pressures, education, role models, consequences and healthy guilt are part of it, too.

If we are going to reduce sexual violence in our community, we have to bring similar pressures to bear. Just as we have made it unacceptable to litter or drive drunk, we have to make it absolutely unacceptable to tell a sexist, racist or homophobic joke.

Healthy sexuality must be the norm — including the understanding that there must be clear and affirmative consent from both partners before engaging in sex. Meanwhile, those who misuse their positions of privilege or strength to abuse and harm others must be held accountable.

And we absolutely — or all else is for naught — must teach our children the values of respect, compassion, gender equality and positive empowerment. If we do not, we can continue to expect to see 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 5 boys be sexually victimized in Virginia.

When I was a child growing up in Wisconsin, it was common to see trash in ditches along the roadside. Now when I go back, I see beautiful green countryside — a healthier environment for everyone to enjoy.

Imagine if we could do the same with sexual violence. Imagine a world where our children grow up expecting respect from their peers and adults alike. Imagine how much healthier our community would be if no one feared being harassed in the workplace, or raped at a party, or stalked by an ex or molested by a trusted adult. Imagine if sexuality were a force only for good in people’s lives.

The Sexual Assault Resource Agency cannot accomplish this vision alone. Even the Campaign for Prevention, our effort to raise $110,000 for prevention programs, is not enough. We need every member of the community to step up.

There are many ways to help create a community free from sexual violence:

„ Talk to a child or teenager about personal boundaries, respect and empathy. It doesn’t have to be your child.

„ Be respectful of others. Make sure any sexual act you initiate is wanted by your partner. Remember: Silence is not consent.

„ Challenge your peers to be respectful. If someone says something offensive, derogatory or abusive, let him or her know that behavior is wrong and you don’t want to be around it.

„ Believe someone who discloses a sexual assault, abusive relationship or experience with stalking or cyber-stalking.

„ Challenge a racist, sexist or homophobic joke.

„ Bring SARA to your workplace or civic group to teach bystander intervention skills.

„ Speak up. If a friend equates sex with “scoring” or another competitive activity, let her or him know you don’t like that attitude.

„ Write letters to the editor when you see news coverage that blames victims rather than holding perpetrators accountable.

„ Make a donation to the Campaign for Prevention, and ask your friends and family to join you.

„ Ask school administrators to provide prevention programs and teacher training in your local school.

„ Share with others what you know about the realities of sexual assault.

With the holiday season, you probably have a very full to-do list. Consider adding one more item to help make this a community free from sexual violence. Eventually, like finding a trashcan or taking the keys, it will just be one of those things a responsible person does.

Margaret Mikkelsen is the executive director of the Sexual Assault Resource Agency.