Leave tonight with knowledge that the blows and abuse that somehow ended Yeardley’s life threaten all of us, threaten you, and threaten this community of trust — that violence and abuse left unconfronted can and will destroy this culture that we love.
— John T. Casteen III, president, University of Virginia, at vigil for Yeardley Love
It is easy for all of us to say that we should speak up for the victims of domestic violence; they live in fear and often need our help to escape a horrible situation. In short, they are vulnerable and sympathetic.
But equally important is the idea that if we know an abuser, we should also speak out for many of the very same reasons.
Abusers are hardly sympathetic or vulnerable, at least not when they are in the role of abuser. But outside that role, they are often in the role not only of friend, coworker, teammate or peer.
Do we who see someone in one of these roles, but know of his or her propensity to become a physical (or psychological) abuser, carry any less responsibility to speak up?
Why do we ask the friends of victims to speak out, yet we seem less willing to impose the same responsibility on the friends of an abuser?
Today on the campus of the University of Virginia, there are friends of Yeardley Love who have to go through life with the burden of wondering if they could have done more to prevent this tragic outcome. There should be friends of George Huguely who are wondering about these same issues: Should they have spoken up or taken action to stop some earlier lesser incident that they witnessed?
Courage is that which enables us to face difficulty without fear. The truly courageous friend is the one who stands up and says that physical violence in any form is not to be tolerated. This is the friend who may be vilified in the short term, but who can live knowing that he is a true friend, the courageous one — and the one who may have saved a life.
My heart goes out to the Charlottesville community at this is a very difficult time.
Thomas Lavin of Baltimore is a former lacrosse player, a lacrosse fan and the father of daughter. Although his family is not acquainted with the Love or Huguely families, his wife is a graduate of Notre Dame Preparatory School, which Yeardley Love attended.
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